


Regret

by StarCrossedRebel



Category: star wars the last jedi
Genre: Angst, Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 03:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15404283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarCrossedRebel/pseuds/StarCrossedRebel
Summary: The night following the Battle of Crait, Hux wakes up to an empty bed. He finds Ren staring out the viewport. When he asks what's wrong, Ren says that they can't be together anymore.





	Regret

Hux woke to an empty bed, the sheets in the space next to him rumpled but cold. For a disorienting moment, he thought that he had slept through his alarm. But a quick glance at the digital face of the clock sitting on the nightstand told him that it was only a little after the start of the third sleep cycle, long before Ren or even Hux roused to start their day. Something was amiss. 

The sheets rustled softly as Hux slipped out of bed. Cool air washed over the exposed parts of his naked body, coaxing goosebumps to ripple across his skin and a light shiver to trail down his spine. He stooped down to retrieve Ren’s black undershirt from the floor and pulled it over his head. His slender frame was swallowed by the massive garment; the long sleeves fell past his hands. The familiar scent of sandalwood soap and sweat filled his nose. A second shiver wracked his body. 

The bedroom door was ajar. Hux slipped through it as quietly as possible and padded down the dark hallway of Ren’s quarters. His feet carried him seamlessly past the bathroom and kitchen, his eyes barely sparing their shadowed innards a glance. He already knew where he would find Ren. 

Hux came to a stop in the open doorway of the spare bedroom of Ren’s quarters. When he had first arrived, Ren had had the room cleared of all its furniture and stripped of its carpeting. It was now completely bare. A steel floor boxed in by four walls. The one remarkable thing about the desolate room was the enormous viewport that made up the entirety of the back wall. It offered an unbeatable view of the stars. 

As predicted, Ren was standing before the viewport, his gaze lost in the stars. He was wearing a pair of black trousers that rested low on his hips. His bare chest rose and fell softly with each slow breath he took. His toes were curled beneath his feet from the frozen touch of the floor. His dark hair, tangled from Hux’s fingers, had escaped from behind his ears and fell in his face.

Hux studied Ren for a quiet moment before he stepped into the room. The icy floor leeched the warmth from his feet and pain shot up his legs. His heart skipped a beat from the shock of the cold.

Hux knew that Ren could sense his presence through the Force — he had probably sensed the exact moment that Hux had woken up — but he didn’t turn to face Hux as he approached. Hux came to stand behind Ren silently. His eyes took in the deep red marks clawed down the muscled expanse of Ren’s back. He reached a hand out to trace the angry looking scratches; they felt hot and puffy beneath his fingertips. He felt Ren shudder beneath his light touch, and guilt snaked through his body. He hadn’t meant to hurt Ren. 

Reading his thoughts — just like he wasn’t supposed to — Ren said, “This is nothing compared to the injuries I gave you today. I deserve so much worse than this, so don’t feel bad. We are far from being even.”

‘We will never be even,’ Hux thought. ‘I will always be at your mercy now that you’re the Supreme Leader. But it’s always been that way between us.’ 

Instead, Hux asked, “What are you doing up?” 

Ren ignored the question. In a quiet, furious voice, he said, “I shouldn’t have choked you in the throne room or thrown you in the shuttle. I was angry and I wasn’t thinking clearly. But that’s not an excuse. There is no excuse. I shouldn’t have done those things.” 

“You should come back to bed,” Hux said. 

“I have no right to touch you,” Ren continued in the same vehement voice. “Not after what I’ve done to you. And yet I—I—” Ren’s fist slammed against the glass of the viewport “—I still had the gall to! I just couldn’t fucking help myself. I took pleasure from the same man I inflicted so much pain on. It’s disgusting. I’m disgusting. Not even Snoke—”

Hux interjected. “Ren, it’s late, and we’ve both had a rather exhausting day. We can talk about this in the morning if you want, but only after you get some sleep. Come back to bed.”

Ren didn’t say anything. He just continued to stare out the viewport, studiously ignoring Hux’s request. 

Hux sighed. Leaning his forehead against Ren’s back, he asked, “Will you look at me?”

Silence. 

“Please?” That small word sent a shudder through Ren’s body. But he still refused to turn around. 

Hux tried again, this time in a voice no louder than a whisper. “Please.” He pressed his lips between Ren’s shoulder blades. Murmuring against the smooth skin, he said, “Please look at me, Ren.”

Hux felt Ren’s body tense beneath his mouth. Then, with agonizing slowness, felt Ren pull away from the press of his lips. Hux took a very small step back. And Ren finally turned around. His brown eyes fixed on Hux’s chest, far removed from Hux’s gaze. 

Hux brought his hands up to cradle the sides of Ren’s face. He tucked the wayward strands of his dark hair behind his ears and brushed his thumbs over his cheekbones. Ren closed his eyes, and an almost pained expression passed over his face. 

“Ren,” Hux breathed. “Please.”

With all the grimness of a man just sentenced to death, Ren opened his eyes and met Hux’s gaze. With a strain of quiet desperation, he said, “I’m a monster.”

“So am I,” Hux replied, just as softly. 

“I hurt you,” Ren said. 

“Yes.”

“You don’t want this.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide what I do and do not want?”

Ren’s eyes lowered to Hux’s chest. “Not if what you want causes you pain.”

“Pain is a small price to pay to get what I want.”

“You shouldn’t have to pay a price at all.”

Hux sighed. “Unfortunately, Ren, for men like us, there’s always a price to be paid. But I’m willing to give everything I have in exchange for you.”

Ren gave a shaky, hollow laugh. “That’s a terrible deal.”

“Not if I get what I want out of it.”

“You mean what you shouldn’t want.”

“But am still going to want, nonetheless.”

“And how do expect to achieve all of this?”

Hux cupped Ren’s chin with his hands and coaxed him to look up gain. “By asking nicely,” he said, a small smile playing at his lips. “And then taking off all of my clothes.”

“Hux.” The word was a choke. “I’m not coming to bed with you. Not after what I’ve done. No matter how nicely you ask.” Ren’s eyes were pleading. Troubled pits of warring despair and desire. “I don’t deserve to touch you.” 

“Silly brat,” Hux said. “I’m not asking you to come to bed with me. I’m asking you to take me to bed. There’s a big difference.” 

Ren’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not sure I see the difference.”

“It’s more about feeling the difference,” Hux said, smirking. “Right about—here.” 

Ren gasped suddenly into the quiet of the room. Hux had slipped his hand into the front of Ren’s pants and was slowly palming his cock. Ren’s forehead creased, and he swallowed thickly. His hands shot up to Hux’s shoulders to steady himself. 

“What are you doing?” Ren asked hoarsely. 

“Have you forgotten this already?” Hux asked. He moved his hand up to rub his thumb over the tip of Ren’s cock. Ren shuddered, and his grip on Hux’s shoulders tightened. “That’s a shame. I guess I’m going to have to help you remember.”

“No. Don’t—”

Hux squeezed Ren’s cock, hard, his nails digging into the tender flesh. Ren winced, and he had the good sense to shut up.

Fiercely, almost angrily, Hux said, “You don’t get to decide when you walk away from me. I’ve suffered and sacrificed too much for this relationship to let it die because you suddenly feel guilty for your abysmal behavior. I knew what I was getting into long before any of this started. And I still chose you. You are mine, Kylo Ren. And until I say otherwise…until I say otherwise… if…” Hux trailed off. Then, sighing, he let his forehead fall against the planes of Ren’s chest. Quietly, pleadingly, he said, “Until I say otherwise, if you truly don’t want to hurt me, then… don’t leave. Don’t leave me. I don’t think I could survive a pain like that.”

Silence descended upon the room. Ren didn’t speak. Hux’s heart pounded frantically against his chest, waiting. Agonizing seconds passed. Ren’s cock was throbbing in Hux’s hand. The stars winked outside the viewport. His feet were numb from the cold. Ren’s sandalwood and sweat scent filled his nose. It hurt to breathe it in. He realized that he was holding his breath, and his lungs were burning from a lack of oxygen. Too much time had passed. 

Hux squeezed his eyes shut, a tumult of emotions crashing against him. His throat felt tight. He swallowed, trying to dislodge the thick knot growing at the base of it. Careful not to look at Ren, he pulled his hand from his pants and turned to walk away. His feet stumbled across the icy floor, carrying him out of the room as quickly as possible. He felt faint. His vision was swarming. Something warm and wet was sliding down his cheek. His breathing was coming out it short gasps. Ren didn’t want to be with him anymore. The thought crowded everything else out. Everything hurt.

Hux was suddenly seized by an invisible grip. His legs locked up against his will beneath him, preventing him from taking another step forward. Held in place by the Force, his whole body went rigidly still. 

He was quickly spun on his feet and forced to face Ren’s approaching figure. He was marching across the floor, rapidly closing the distance between their bodies, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. His face was twisted into a scowl, making his displeasure clear even to Hux’s blurry vision. Hux’s heart rabbeted in his chest.

With a low growl, Ren wrapped his arms around Hux’s waist and released his Force grip. His lips descended on Hux’s, equal parts fierce and gentle, and pulled him into a passionate kiss that knocked the breath from Hux’s lungs. Their mouths slotted together in a warm slide, and they moved together in perfect, anguished unison. 

Ren tilted Hux’s chin back, angling their kiss, making it deeper. Hux moaned. His hands reached up to twist their fingers in Ren’s wild hair. He pulled Ren impossibly closer, arching his back into the touch. Ren’s grip around his waist tightened, and he nipped Hux’s bottom lip. Their bodies tangled together. Frantic hands began to peel off what little clothes separated them from feeling each other fully. Desperate, relieved sighs filled the air. 

\--------------------

“I don’t deserve this,” Ren said. 

They were laying on their sides, sated and naked, facing each other in the low light of Ren’s bedroom. Ren was rubbing his thumb over the peak of Hux’s hipbone, soothing the purpling bite mark that was forming there. Hux’s eyes fluttered at the light touch. The soft touch was doing terrible things to his sanity. 

Reigning in all of his concentration, Hux said, “No, you don’t. But I’m a cruel man, so I’ll make you suffer it anyway.”


End file.
